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Monday, August 8, 2016

Houston & The World I Have a Problem

A good beginning of a family saga going on for over 10 years now.

My son married a woman 9 1/2 years ago.
I had already had major problems with her prior to the marriage when we took a family trip to Italy, and she came along at his request.  We paid for everything.  She hijacked the holiday in so many ways.
I treated her like my daughter, lavished gifts on her, but it wasn't enough.
She was horrible to me the day we were departing Sorrento for Amsterdam,
again she was our complete guest.
She wouldn't speak to me for 2 days, and sat in coach on the way back instead of her first class seat in the front of the plane with my husband & me.

For then on it has been a challenge.
She has to be the most important one.
She has alieniated my son from his sister and from his father.

And tonight she made the final conquest, she has driven me out.

My son told me to leave his home as I was there babysitting his 4 kids,
he told me on the phone as they were out at the Alley Theatre.

He text messaged me to ask if I could baby=sit.
I told him I had plans because 2  of my girlfriends were having a birthday party together
& I had promised to attend.  He said, "Oh, come afterward, we'll be out until 11:00pm.
I arrive about 8pm, one of her cousins was there who said she had been there since 6pm,
I said I was told I would be relieving you, she said oh no, she could stay and I could leave...
in the more flippant, arrogant way possible. She's about 40.  She also told me before she even said hello that my car was blocking her car & I needed to move.  I said when you're ready to leave, of course I'll move my car, and thanked her for being so considerate to the grandmother of the 4 children, in a very sarcastic way.

My son had text-messaged this request to me, not a phone call.
a text message.

this woman called my daughter in law at the theatre and told her I was a bitch and that she would stay and I should go.  My son called me and told me to get out of his house.

to me, this is a relationship breaker.

I'm a really nice person, my grandkids love me, hell, even the dogs love...
but my daughter-in-law hates me, my son's sister and my son's dad.

what is one to do?



  1. HOW sad.....:( And HOW terrible, Marsha.....
    HOW unthankful....
    I have not enaugh words....I am distracted
    So sorry, what a horrible news, my dear M.

  2. Marsha, I have seen this happen to so many young men. They become a stranger. My deceased Husbands
    God Son, who I loved, married a Stewardess. At the beginning I saw she was in CONTROL. Within a
    year she had alienated him with his Mother and me. There are lots of CONTROL FREAKS out there.
    I agree and say what ever! Just sit tight and away, he'll call you. Been there , HUGs, yvonne

  3. Marsha, I am so very sorry. Your son has chosen poorly, very poorly, and is not observing the 5th Commandment. Your DIL has also chosen poorly, in part because she is mentally ill. That doesn't make it easier on you or her family; you still bear the brunt of her hate. It's so very sad because, like all of us, she's dust and to dust she'll return not taking anything with her but leaving a bad name and legacy behind her. Marsha, her hate has turned her into a hateful person and she's dragging your son with her. I just shake my head at their actions...may God have mercy on them and change their wicked hearts.

  4. Your post hit home with me as I have walked in your shoes similarily; with a sister-in-law that uprooted the otherwise harmonious relationship of our nuclear and extended family. My 2 cents is this: Take the high road. If a tumultuous family relationship has been going on for so many years with no improvement. Seek a professional to help navigate and bring you peace instead of asking the opinions of your followers. Unfortunately, followers/e-friends and public strangers, are not at all intimately involved with your family and unfortunately, the comments you'll receive will render only a chime to e-hug you and not a realistic resolve. The danger also in going this route, is that your site is public and for your son, others in the family, friends, followers, and strangers to potential view today's post ... well, it demonstrates your character. Wishing you strength.
    - a committed fan

    1. Thank you so much.
      I will prevail in living a happy life because of my own mental attitude.
      I've seen this behavior for over 10 years and, FINALLY, it has made me see that no matter what I do she will never change. She's always right. Period.

    2. The ink of those previous pages are dry and one can only look back to glance. So, yes...be steadfast on moving forward in writing your next chapter. :)

  5. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Sometimes we just need to step back, take a deep breath and detach from the drama. If you did your best, that's all you can do. We can't change other people but we can change our thoughts. Focus on the good in your life, it helps. Baby steps.

  6. Oh Marsha, this is truly heartbreaking. But sad to say, I know several families that have breaks like this and one being my sister. She has not seen her son or his children in almost 10 years. It truly breaks my heart. I think if it was me I would sit down with your son, ALONE, and talk it all out. Not seeing your grandchildren would just about do me in. Keep us posted dear lady. I will be thinking of you and praying. XO

  7. I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you. We, too, have had difficult people in our family. I hope that you can mend your relationship with your son one day (and your grandchildren). Sadly, it will never mend with your daughter in law. She won't change her stripes.

    1. Jamie, I know, I know, I know.
      I'm OK today.

  8. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I agree this is a final straw but certainly hope it works out in whatever way is least painful for all involved.

    THE GRAND KIDS will search YOU out later in LIFE............as hard as that is NOW.
    NO CLASS.........NO MANNERS.
    NO GRACIOUSNESS...................

    1. Elizabeth, you are SO right.
      This is why we all love you. You are realistic and call a spade a spade.

  10. I've just read this Marsha.....so I thought I'd send to you.

    All the words that I gather,
    And all the words that I write,
    Must spread out their wings untiring,
    And never rest in their flight,
    Till they come where your sad, sad heart is,
    And sing to you in the night,
    Beyond where the waters are moving,
    Storm darkened or starry bright.

    W.B. Yeats,
    London, January 1892.

    Jane x

  11. Agony. I know EXACTLY what you are going through. Praying for peace for your broken heart and courage to get through it with dignity and forgiveness.

  12. She is a Sociopath! I should know, our son married one 6 years ago and he is forbidden to see not only us but our entire family! We are in our 70's and would really enjoy having him around to talk to and do things with like we used to before that b---- stalked him while she was married to someone else. Then she treated us so nicely until the wedding day when our entire family was banned from the nuptials. Since then, it's been terribly sad for us, and I must add that we blame our son too for not standing fast and saying he wants to see his family, but understand she makes his life hell if she knows we've even just talked on the phone. Fortunately they have no children as they married late - she does have a daughter from a teenage assignation but doesn't have a relationship with her or any member of her own family - this is typical of a Sociopath too.

    I could write a book on this but will close saying, I feel for you Marsha, and for all mothers such as us who have lost their sons to horrible women - I cannot even call mine a daughter-in-law, it hurts too much.

    1. I think I was set up for this. Otherwise, WHY would they want me to LEAVE a party and come to their house to babysit IF the cousin was able to stay, as she said she was when I arrived.

  13. Marsha- I am so sorry. The daughter in law clearly has control issues and until your son can stand up to her, I doubt there can be a change. You are a lovely, kind person and don't deserve this.


    Shari (in Houston)

    1. Shari, my poor son is an artist and will avoid conflict if possible.
      However, from the beginning, even before they were married, he took her side of the arguments.
      He loves her.

    2. Shari, my poor son is an artist and will avoid conflict if possible.
      However, from the beginning, even before they were married, he took her side of the arguments.
      He loves her.

  14. You have my sympathy. I see this over and over and I still do not understand how people can have so little regard for each other. Unfortunately, nothing ever seems to be resolved with these situations. I am sorry to see the heartbreak you are going through.

  15. Marsha, I cannot imagine the woman lucky enough to have you as her Mother-in-Law and not praising the Heavens for you! The loss is truly hers and your son's. I do believe your grandchildren will return to you. As the saying goes; we cannot choose our families, but we can choose our friends, and you have chosen well!



  16. This is sad. I will say a prayer Marsha.

  17. Why in the world are you airing this to the world? You risk making things worse by doing this. Sometimes we need to just be the bigger person and keep our mouth shut.

    1. You are the ONLY person commenting whom I do not know. And, a man as well.
      I've taken the high road for 10+ years. IT HAS DONE NO GOOD. The issues just get worse. I am dealing with a woman who must be the center of attention at all times, a control-freak X10, one who thinks she's right even if she's wrong, an insensitive, selfish, un-mannerly person who has no idea of how to handle anything gracefully. Let's just say I'm OVER IT, EVEN IF IT MEANS I WON'T SEE MY SON OR MY GRANDCHILDREN. Being a doormat trampled by abuse is not something with which I'm comfortable. BTW, sounds like you know them & you hear their side of things. Too bad if that's the case.

  18. I was reading all the comments with interest - a variation of theme. I've no idea why you wanted to be "airing this to the world" as Steve commented, but it's your blog, your life and you wanted comments. Sometimes it just helps to voice a concern and put it out there for comment. Jeez, I don't know if your airing this to all the people that read your blog is a bad thing at all as being a "bigger person" doesn't always mean keeping one's mouth shut. Sometimes people just want to talk and have some virtual hugs for trying to do the right thing. You are surrounded by people who care and I think that perhaps Steve sounds very angry so I'd just not pay attention to the one person who has made a negative comment. You go girlfriend!

    1. Margaret, thank you for this. I means so much.
      One cannot take the high road when the other side wallows in the mud.

  19. This is awful and so sad....no helpful advice, except to say big hugs and prayers for you. xo- Linda, NY

  20. My grandmother always said that there are 3 sides to every story - his side, her side and the truth.


Thank you so much for your wonderful comments, each of them mean so much to me. After all, the interaction is the reason we blog. xx's