Tuesday, April 2, 2013

"By Invitation Only" April 2013

International Blog Party

welcome to our monthly international blog party consisting of invited members
from around the world.

with this post, I am delighted to announce our newest member, the brilliantly humorous 
professional writer & blogger,  a beautiful woman, 

D. A. Wolf 
of the blog
"Big Little Wolf's Daily Plate of Crazy"
(whatever life dishes out)

you will find her link below

we all thought it would be interesting to talk about our 
maybe really big ones, or small ones, but ones which have changed us
& educated us and, perhaps, enriched us.
difficult things from which we learned much.

one of my challenges which has forever been a problem is never having enough time.

rushing, too much on a schedule, working, raising children, social life, managing everything
because there was no one else to do it.  
and a husband who expected nothing less than perfection of everyone except himself, but he 
thought he was perfect, and for a very long time I believed he was too.

I was always drawn to our garden, it was so very important to me, it was where everything
slowed down, where the only thing important was to take the time to make the plantings
flourish.   I loved hibiscus because every single morning you would have new gifts in
the awesome flowers, even though by evening they would close again, having spent their
short life in the sun and allowing us to gaze in wonder at their beauty.



I nurtured everything, and it didn't bother me when the rabbits ate the coleus, or when the
2 Collies laid down on the impatiens.  They, too, were part of my solace and our garden.

whenever a holiday came round I was the one who did everything.
and I did a lot.
finally realizing the reason I did so much was that I didn't dare risk criticism if it wasn't done perfectly.

this, of course, was my own requirement, no one else's.

I finally went to counseling, two times a week. not only because of my hectic lifestyle, 
I knew my marriage of many years was over, 
that I could not go on in the same way, I could not continue to do everything while
a brilliant and talented man sank into the depths of depression & alcohol.

you know, it takes a long time for one to speak aloud to a therapist before you hear &
process exactly what you're saying.
I mean, the answers are right in front of you.
the one thing she asked me one day was this, "What would happen if you only did
1/2 as much?"   
I laughed out loud, and said "Nothing would happen, I would be the only one
who would know."

as with everything else, it's easy to recognize there is a problem,
the difficulty is doing something about it.

I did divorce.  I thought it would be easy because it wanted out so badly.
but, somehow, learned behaviors and habits take a long long time to change.
I actually don't think I missed him, I just missed having a relationship.

learning to live on my own was not easy.
I had always earned enough money, and when I divorced I didn't receive
one cent.  I continued to earn a living, but transitioned from one 24/7
profession back into luxury retail / fashion where I had begun so many
years ago, and where I always knew I belonged.

when I wasn't working I cherished being at home, alone or with my dogs & kids,
and I built the most beautiful garden, it grew & became lusher and more verdant.
it was my satisfaction then, something I was so very proud of because I did it all myself.
and I did it my way.

my life has had ups and downs, like everyone who has lived awhile,
it's been a good life, and there is still so much more to do.

I am now never over-committed with endless charity projects, I almost never go to lunch,
I've given up sports which have become hard instead of fun, aka skiing, white-water
rafting, skeet shooting, tennis, running 3 miles (now it's walking 3 miles),
water-skiing, skydiving, snowboarding, skateboarding & para-sailing.

the challenges were overcome a long time ago,
and I finally learned no one can be both the pitcher & the catcher.
it is a good lesson to learn.