Thursday, April 2, 2015

Dinner, Last Night

this is a bit of a saga, but one I believe you might find of interest.

I was invited to join one of my friends for dinner at the "club" last evening; 
it was Fried Chicken Buffet night in the dining room adjacent to the pool area.

it's very informal for the "club."

she had booked a large round table, and when everyone was seated it turned out that I knew them all quite well, and the hostess's recently widowered brother-in-law & his daughter were sitting
just across from us.

all of the guests we are discussing have adult children (like me).

after all the pleasantries, and our 1st glass of wine,
the conversation with the elegant woman beside me turned to her husband's
Alzheimer's, he, in fact, acknowledges he has Alzheimer's and begs forgiveness
if he forgets anything.  He is splendid.

one of their 4 daughters is coming to town to stay for a week so she can help her mother
find a suitable place for dad.
seriously !
her mother does not like this idea at all and, remember, they have the means for all the help they would need in-home when the time comes.  the man walks, talks, eats without assistance,
etc., his only sacrifice thus far has been to give up driving.
he told me he had Alzheimer's and I corrected him and said he has "Old-Timer's."
he laughed.

& thus began the very intense conversations round the table about adult kids
doing all kinds of bad things with regard to their parents.

my hostess's daughter hasn't spoken to her for 1 month or more
because mom won't give her any more money to live on.
the 56-year old "girl" has never been married, has never had a job.

the recent widowerer is having to sue his own son over his deceased wife's will.
the son, it seems, had momma-bear sign over many many things, including real property, to him prior to her death, unbeknownst to the daughters or the father.

we began discussing another woman, absent from the table, whose husband was a relative of
Howard Hughes (remember, he was a Houstonian), and who left her with enough money
to last forever, totally separate from his own children's inheritance. 
one of her own son's began managing her money for her after he told her
she didn't know what she was doing and that she was spending too much.
she is elderly herself and "spending too much" is impossible for her wealth,
and she loves art and antiques.  things which will be passed on to her 3 children.
unfortunately, he placed her on such a limited budget she had to get the
trust department of a bank to take everything over from him.

now, ladies, this is the landed gentry I am talking about.
we can laugh a bit when we realize how much money is involved, however, the heartbreak is exactly the same as it is for all of us.

now, I don't want you to think this is all we talked about,
because it wasn't.,  they are all very interested in current events, can talk about almost
any subject and love the University of Texas almost more than life.
they have been everywhere, done everything,
and love having a casual dinner on a Wednesday evening with all their contemporaries.

my late husband, Ned, knew all of these people quite well, they were lifelong friends.
he loved UT too.

because of him they now reach out to me,
to make certain I'm not lonely and can enjoy life with them a couple of times a week.

&, know what?
I adore all of them.

sending love and happy wishes for a wonderful Easter weekend to each of you.

& may God bless everyone.



ci said...

How blessed you are to have such friends. It doesn't always work out that way when a spouse passes. .Good friends...nothing better.

Mary@mydogsmygardenandmary said...

Sometimes children are not very nice when it comes to their parents. I think sometimes that we have given them to much, we all had to work hard and they feel like they deserve everything that we made.
So glad that your friends are very kind to you.
Wishing you and yours a Very Happy Easter.

LPC said...

I'm so glad you've got friends who look out for you. Inheritance is extremely complicated, and the involved parties have to work very carefully to make sure they put the relationships before the money every single minute.

Jackie and Joel Smith said...

Oh Marsha, Your post was a wonderful tale of friendship and your closing gave me goose bumps! With "It's a Wonderful World" playing in the background it said so much about how wonderful it is to have friends to love and to be loved by ~ Happy Easter to you! xx Jackie

Joy Moos said...

A wonderful true tale about life with a capital "L"...thank you for reminding us of all the shades of friendships...'There but for the grace of G- - -....." Warm wishes for a Very Happy Easter for you and all you hold dear.

Elizabeth Day said...

Marsha, I don't know where I've been. I knew there had been a change in your life but didn't know that your husband had died. I am so sorry but grateful you have caring friends who keep you involved. Happy EASTER!

Cindy Hattersley said...

Oh dear. My bookeeper comes from "money". Grandma left the beach house and the small ranch house to the grand kids and the father the large cattle ranch. Problems are brewing...

Mary said...

Goodness me, that must have been quite a dinner conversation around the table!
Thankful you have good friends who keep in touch.
As for grown children, and money, I don't even want to go there! Worse than one's own children, sometimes it's the people they marry who are the problem. . . . . . .think a sociopathic DIL who has taken our son, brainwashed him and caused our entire family so much distress and heartache!

Easter blessings dear Marsha.
Hugs - Mary

La Contessa said...

AN Interesting TALE.............almost BOOK worthy!!!!!!!!
SO,HAPPY YOU TOLD US about your hinted but never said anything!The fact YOUR friends still include YOU in their social gatherings is WONDERFUL.AM so SORRY you lost your husband.Can't imagine...........I have always told my husband he is not ALLOWED to go FIRST.................
Here is a good example of people and manners......Last night had a person for dinner. Due at 7pm.At 8:15pm my husband sends him a TEXT. No response.I start the pasta heat water etc......because I cannot wait any longer!AT twenty to nine he calls just got out of work.............he is on his way.I went to bed at 10:15pm as I had not slept much the night before...............knowing my husband gets up at 4:30 AM every morning for helped he was gone by 10:30.WHY DIDN"T HE CALL???????I just do not get it!ALMOST two hours late and no call.................
BACK to YOU.........sounds like your busy working in the boutique,running about.............doing your BLOG.I have changed my name by the way and LOST most ALL of my SUBSCRIBERS.You may want to TRY and re-subscribe.I do not know what else to do.My new name is THEVINTAGECONTESSA.NET.
Thank You for sharing this TALE.................we AMERICANS did something wrong with our children.I cannot put my finger on it but perhaps TOO MUCH STUFF and not enough WORK .I know the TIME OUT punishment of 20 plus years ago DIDNOT WORK!!!THAT WAS A JOKE.
I best bow out here before I offend anyone............I AM HERE FOR YOU!YOU need to chat CALL ME..............XOXOO

Heather Robinson said...

Sending much Love to you as always, dear Marsha. I am so very, very grateful that you have friends that surround you and support you there.

Mary Ann Pickett said...

I think children should not expect an inheritance. This WAS and interesting dinner!

Cleo from Jersey said...

Marsha, first let me say how special your friends are, to include you for get-togethers. Very often, people don't intend to be unkind, but they don't know what to do with a single woman. As for the children who can't wait for their parents' deaths to fight over what is left, I can only believe they will reap what they sow! And, for the gentleman who's about to lose himself, I send prayers to both of them. How courageous he seems while he must be battling total terror. He is definitely a person worth knowing! Thanks for sharing this!

Vannessa@Luxuria said...

Wow!!! What a fabulous and timely post for me. As you know I lost my Dad and my Sister who was SO cruel to him (that my Husband and I had to pack up our lives in Spain to come back and be with him), has been left something in my Dad's will. She has only been left a small percentage, but it will be enough that she will never have to work again. She has no idea this money is coming to her. She has assumed she was left nothing (and rightly so).I can't tell you how much this pains me; it keeps me up for weeks on end. As the Executor of my Dad's will there is absolutely nothing I can do to change this. I can only hope her guilty conscience will be her downfall every time she spends a penny of that money (but I doubt it :-(
Thank you for your lovely kind words over at mine. You are an angel and that's why you have such wonderful friends around you. We reap what we sow xx

Marie-Anne Duarte said...

Thank you for sharing your wonderful post Marsha. I always enjoy reading them and find them so inspirational. You are lucky to have good friends. Bless you and I wish you a Happy Easter.

Lynda Brandly said...

So sorry to hear that you've lost your husband, Marsha. So happy to hear that you're surrounded by loving friends. Hope you are surrounded by love and have a beautiful Easter.
love and blessings~

Gramspearls said...

Dear Marsha,
Having just lost my Mother last week, unexpectedly, I can attest to the fact that this often brings out the worst in families. It is such a heartbreaking and difficult time, I was blindsided at the selfishness and calculated actions of other family members. I though it was to be about supporting each other in grief......not so in all families. I grieve alone, so I am not party to these things. It is reassuring to know I am not alone. Thank you for sharing this just when I needed it!

Warmly, Kathleen