KATIE IN CALIFORNIA
is the winner of the 3-Strand Pearl Necklace,
Katie, please get in touch with me as I need your address.
splenderosa@gmail.com
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today is not a happy day for me as I suddenly realize that
my relationships with both friends & family
have gotten out of hand.
it is very clear to me that I have 2 situations going on which are making me sad.
& I cannot do much about either one of them.
members of my own family are really stressing me out by continually asking me to
take care of their responsibilities with either 3 giant dogs or my 2 precious grandchildren.
please understand, I would do anything necessary for them,
but none of this is necessary, it's just convenient for them to call me rather than
handle the situations without me.
the other one is a dear dear friend to whom much is indebted by me.
however. the friend asks for advice which is deemed AN IMPORTANT ISSUE,
and then shares what I've said with everyone else on the planet.
of course, someone is bound to disagree, especially if it means I've suggested ways
they might do their jobs more efficiently.
then I'm in hot water.
well, there you have it...& I've answered my own questions haven't I?
just say no.
& don't give advice.
the serious problem is that I am a giver, and the others are takers.
big time takers.
and I know this. but I cannot just walk off.
what to do, what to do.
Dear sweet Marsha...this too shall pass...be assertive as well as your sweet, kind self and all will be fine. xoxo
ReplyDeleteHello Marsha
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you are being dragged in many directions. I can see your kind heart always willing to help. Don't you wish folks would stop the gossip. The world would surely benefit.
Helen xx
I know all about giving and this giver is wising up fast. Sometimes nice guys (and gals) finish last...doesn't stop me from being a nice and authentic person..it just has me a little more guarded about who I extend that "niceness" to:)
ReplyDeleteI've been in your shoes Marsha and they pinch. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Learning is painful, but you're on the right track. No is such a simple word and so hard to say to loved ones. Be strong, take care of the most important person...yourself.
ReplyDeleteThat 'just say no.' It's so necessary, but so hard.
ReplyDelete“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” ~Josh Billings
ReplyDelete...It;'s Ok to say no.
IT IS OK TO SAY NO........“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” ~Josh Billings
ReplyDeleteWhen you say "yes" to others be sure you are not saying " No" to yourself.
ReplyDeletePaul Caehlo....but this is a learning process. Many years ago I was a giver like you now
I feel much better and I only offer help when it is absolutely SOS.
So sorry to hear things have gotten a bit out of hand. I have found it often very cathartic, just writing it out as you have done. Hopefully you are on your way to new ways of handling the situation. Sending you my best wishes Marsha.
ReplyDeleteYou are a giver and that makes you a wonderful friend and loving parent. It's the way you are. It's your character, your personality.
ReplyDeleteMy best French friend, mother of six, grandmother of 13, told her children -- before they had their children -- that she was always there for them if ever they had a problem. However, she made it perfectly clear that she was not a babysitter either for their children or their pets. She said she would not babysit for dinner and the movies or a party. She does take her grandchildren on occasional vacations and she has a huge house in the South of France with swimming pool, tennis court, etc. where the children -- with their parents -- are welcome for vacations.
Frenchwomen do know how to say no, but the problem is after we say yes all the time, everyone seems to be angry if we say no. It's extremely difficult. Maybe you should ease into it gently. Believe me, I know it's hard.
Thinking of you and am so happy to call you a friend.
Love to you,
Tishxo
Marsha,
ReplyDeleteMy favorite quote is by Dorothy Parker - "That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say No in any of them."
As a life coach I will tell you that defining boundaries in a loving way is the best thing you can do for yourself and others. Everyone is forewarned and you are forearmed with the perfect response. "I know you'll figure this out. I have total confidence in your ability to manage your own life."
As for advice, well, it's always a risk but I believe if it's solicited by the other person, I'm willing to offer my viewpoint. If they abuse the loving intention or continue to recreate the same situations over and over, my best response is to just acknowledge their struggle and empathize with their circumstance.
Sending loving thoughts as I sit here wearing your beautiful bow ring!
love to you,
Kathy
I am in this situation of saying yes way too often as well. Good for you for realizing it, and taking steps in order to feel better. Good luck and best wishes. Your blog is so gorgeous- love reading it.
ReplyDelete-linda,ny
Oh girl friend I feel your pain. I am a giver, i.e, doormat...yes it hurts to call myself that but it is the truth. I come from a long line of givers, grandmother, mother, and now me. Sadly I know that when I am saying yes, that I am being taken advantage of, if not for money, time or stuff.
ReplyDeleteI am tying so hard to learn to say no but then I feel like a shmuck. Any advice that you can offer and I promise I will not repeat it, would be appreciated.
Take care, Elizabeth
Reading through the comments here, so many of them full of wisdom and personal experience, there is a pattern in the advice they hold. It is to learn to say no sometimes...ah but that is SO easy in theory....much harder in practice....however we all need to have some way to recharge the batteries, to look after ourselves first or else we aren't much help to anybody else anyway.
ReplyDeleteAnd it seems to me, that we each have a different way of feeling comfortable with the word "no". For some people that means saying no outright, for others it is a case of being comfortable with not always saying yes. But there is a difference.
You are a giver, that is so very true. But all givers need to be appreciated...I suspect it is more the lack of appreciation rather than the actual doing of the thing which is giving you grief?